“No Filter”
“It’s important to be unique. You have to be different.”
My art teacher during high school would emphasize these two sentences every time I was struggling to figure out the art pieces I would add to my portfolio. She would place emphasis on the words unique and different which would leave me pondering if I can ever be that. These sentences stuck with me throughout my intellectual journey, even after high school, which eventually influenced me to filter my actual writing style in the attempt of standing out from my peers.
The act of writing was never my strongest pursuit. I always felt the pressure of having to be someone that I was not. This mindset drastically changed as I engaged in this WRIT 150 class.
To be honest, I was afraid of taking this class. I was afraid of being judged that my writing style was bland and had no character. I was afraid of the type of students I will meet in this class because I have only been taking major classes with the same classmates in each class. In spite of the fear, this class was mandatory and I had no other choice but to take it.
However, the reality was different than what I had expected. I was pleasantly surprised by the freedom that we had when it came to the topic of our writings and my personal growth as a writer that I experienced throughout this semester.
WP1 was challenging at first because I was never handed a prompt where I can write about anything that I wanted. Especially during this time of the semester, I was already burdened by the amount of work that my other professors were handing me. This exemplified my anxiety towards the prompt. I never expected myself to be stressed with a writing prompt that gave me the freedom to be creative and individualistic. After weeks of considering what I wanted to write about, I wrote about my experience with human relationships. The moment I realized the blessing of this open-ended prompt, words starting filling up the page. I had the capability of writing in a personal narrative style that I never knew I had in me.
WP2 felt like a place where I can be my true self. The project was on the opposite of the spectrum of where WP1 would stand. I was not afraid of displaying my identity out there. WP2 let me blabber about my favorite books that I was never allowed to mention in other writings due to all of the books being fully written in Korean. My acceptance of my own identity as a Korean American finally had a chance to shine. I was never embarrassed about my ethnicity. Nonetheless, I would barely have an opportunity to express that part of me. This lack of opportunity would somehow leave me wondering if I was even proud of my identity when I can’t even write about them in my own writing. I never thought I would ever be excited to write, but this one was contrasting from any other writings I have written. After processing that the possibilities for all of the writing projects will be infinite, I began enjoying it.
WP3 captured my personal growth the most. When I was recognized by my classmates and Professor Dissinger for my narrative voice, I had a boost of confidence to use that voice that I had. I thought about taking a step back from mentioning my actual experience of the immigration process because of the fear of being too vulnerable, but thanks to the assurance, I came to a conclusion to just go for it. WP3 was the first project out of the past two writing projects where I felt comfortable in my own voice in explaining my personal development. I was embracing the narrative voice that I used to think was either too informal or boring. I did not expect myself to find my own writing style in this class, but getting to the point where I am comfortable with my writing style is a moment that my past self would be shocked by.
WP4 clarified how much I have evolved as a writer. Looking back on my reflections on each of the writing projects had taught me that I began to embrace my identity without being afraid of being judged by others. Whenever this class would have a group workshop, my classmates would have their cameras on and ready to give thoughtful feedbacks that guided me to establish the best versions of my papers. They would never judge and would read through my papers from a writer’s point of view. The fear of being judged was one thing that I thought would never get over my head, but this class changed that.
I enjoy talking to people and giving honest takeaways about their works to each other throughout most classes. The current situation with the global pandemic restricts this connection between all of my classmates. Regardless of the situation, using the zoom technology as an advantage, Professor Dissinger placed us into small groups that let me speak out and interact with students unlike most of my other classes. This opportunity induced me to ask my classmates or the professor any questions or confusions that I had without a stutter. It felt like I was in a safe space where no judgments were made and everyone was inclined to help one another. This class opened up a voice in me that I didn’t even know existed and significantly enhanced the confidence in my own writing.
I began to think critically about my personal experiences and somehow use my writing as a way to express my emotions throughout the experiences when I thought “abstract art is the only way someone can express their emotions at the moment without verbally pronouncing a single thing” (Hwang). Technically speaking, writing is not a literal definition of verbal communication and this realization wins over my own statement.
Now, when I write, I will not hold back on the passion or the ideas that intrigue me in fear of being vulnerable to the public audience. I can proudly say my writing journey has shifted from taking a step back from my personal identity to standing up for my own intellectual journey without a filter.
Work Cited
Hwang, Kelly, “Nonverbal Communication.” Medium, Writing 150 Fall 2020, Sept. 2020, medium.com/writing-150-fall-2020/nonverbal-communication-58ef59159499
